A Domme Reflects On Life On Top
Photos By Kim Dench
Top! Frosting! Finishing touch! Tip top!
Doesn’t it sound just so delicious and perfect that everyone would like to bath in this champagne glass? Isn’t it appealing, by its very own sound? Oh it must be pure joy to sit there.
Well, not really. To be on top is tough. Top is hard place to be and, if you are not absolute sadist or Domme only
to fulfill her own kinks, oh, you find yourself in very hard position to be. Many times. Like I did.
Why is this? Femdom is a domination by femmes, aka women. “Woman” is carrier, the final home to “Domme,” not the other way around. Domme is part of a woman and if woman decides something that clashes with Domme, woman is always gonna win. Well in my case, anyway.
I met him online, he contacted me on Fetlife. I responded to his note that intrigued me on several levels, pointing out he was fond of total commitment and honesty, in general. He had been reading my profile and fully loved the idea that my drive and ultimate turn on in D/s is to dominate a Dominant man.
I asked him to tell me about himself in detail, which he did, saying that he was 34-year-old guy, Dominant in real life due to his lifestyle and work he does as a financial CEO in this big firm. He was also an adrenalin junkie and a workaholic, but at the same time very traditional when comes to family and general life values. Of course, I liked combination because I am totally extreme — I demand this traditionalism on one side as a woman, and but have the urge, the essential drive for domination and humiliation of so-called Dominant men demands from me as a Domme on the other side.
He asked me what are my preferences and I said I am into mental aspects of domination, using BDSM only as a tool, and with physical punishment, denial or other ways as means to achive the mental aspect of a D/s relationship with my sub, However I am against emotional games of any sort and so the woman is stronger within me on this department. I explained I got frustrated lately, bumping into all these men who come to me and offer themselves “fully,” to the point when it turns out they are totally thrilled with me as a Domme and thats what they’ve been aiming for. However, they weren’t observing or fulfilling the emotional side of me and who i am as a complete package of a woman.
This chopping me into pieces as a persona, started to bug me to the point that I became frustrated over with being dominant and battles occurring within me. Dommes do not have to work on everything. This is not an entertainment park for you subs out there, and every Domme and sub should be aware of this. A dominant woman needs attention and work from her subject. It may be hard to believe, but both have to work on their own roles, as same as in any vanilla relationship.
So, me and the subject mentioned above got close, started to IM each other a lot, talk on email, etc. Then the chopping came. I wanted a full man in the package, one who will love me as a woman and be my sub in all other matters. He wanted piece of me, to be his Domme, and emotionaly he wasn’t able to comply. I have come to the realization, if I as a woman am demanding emotional involvment, my Dominant side will never work on him. Paradox! In order to be treated by me, he had to fulfill simple dating, romancing, etc. so I wake up in my full Dominant strength and be myself as his Mistress. On the other side, my work was supposed to be to get through his submissive side to his feelings.
I was not able, and probably will not be able, to do this with anybody: to get to his feelings, him as a man for me as a woman under the condition of me ordering him to love me. That is an absolute no-no in my head and that path I am not willing to take ever. So another butcher of my personality, another man who thinks being sub to me is for me to be his entertainer. Such an old story goes round and round in circles. My frustration now is bigger than ever before. Therefore I claim on my own behalf, being on top is hard. Staying on top is even harder. But being a Dominant woman is hardest.
Femdom is a domination by femmes, aka women. The woman is carrier, final home to Domme, not the other way around. Domme is part of a woman and if woman decides something that clashes with the Domme, woman is always gonna win. Well in my case, anyway.